Entering Day Three: Rollercon

Getting here was fun, the planes. The people watching. I thought that our flights would allow us to make Early Bird Registration. Google Calendar stated that it would be open until 10pm. They closed at 7pm. Also when I asked a volunteer what time registration would open in the morning she said “Nine, but you could read the sign.” Of course I had a flippant response, “Well, reading hasn’t helped me so far.” Registering in the morning wasn’t too bad, we were 30 minutes early for line-up and only had to wait an hour to register.
After registration Dotty and I went to open skate to warm up those legs. Then it was time to pick and attend the first class! EXCITING! A side note: I posses a MVP pass, which is for  all access to classes, seminars, challenge bouts, and scrimmages. I studied the RollerCon website, and signed up for the updates, and I am not the only person to be astounded by the following.
I lined up for a two o’clock class. I waited, patiently. Then I hear from some of the other girls asking if another had their token to attend the class. I thought I have an MVP pass, why would I need a token? As it turns out, the MVP pass holders have to line up two hours before the training class they would like to attend and gain a token. Maximum of 60 handed out, or less as deemed by the instructor. Then you may have two hours to do what you like and come back. HOWEVER, let’s say you had the notion to attend two back to back classes. One, in theory, would line up and receive a token for the first class and then return at the assigned first class time to get a token for the second class, hopefully only making one a couple minutes late for the first class. Seems like it would work out logistically. YOUR DOING IT WRONG. Apparently they only had enough tokens to gather them from the incoming class and turn around and hand them out to those waiting for tokens. This would make you more than ten minutes late for a class, and you wasted your time waiting in line for first token, BECAUSE being late scratches you from the class. Depending on the instructor you may watch, if there aren’t “too many” spectators already. As in the case with my Brudda, she attempted this and only got to attend one class.
With this system in place in theory one skater may only attend 4 classes daily.
Some classes are designated for all skill levels, so as a skater you don’t know what you’ll be paired up with or skating next to. This got my knee torqued really well in one class. Listening is important if the drill is intended for a straight line don’t fucking skate directly into another skater because you are not following directions.
The coach of this class told me to be a figure skater. Tried that thanks, on ice. Plus, no one likes a show-off, and when I display my skills that’s always how it’s perceived.
Then I entered the wrong room number for a seminar I wanted to attend. One digit off and I am stuck listening to two hours of nutritional advice on low glycemic index diets. All of which I have read before; I do care about what I put in my body but I also choose to smoke and drink soda. The over arching message of that course was to study as many aspects of athletic nutrition as possible and build something from scratch that works for you.
I was super-de-duper pumped for the sternum blocking class at 8 pm. So Dotty and I got in line for our tokens at 5:45. The lady in charge of tokens handed out all but ten of her tokens to just anyone in line, even though MVP skaters were TOP PRIORITY. I didn’t get a token.  I get too pissed too quickly to notice this so I was just going to eat and go to sleep. A couple moments later Dotty comes screaming down the hall. She had me a token!  Apparently someone is more outspoken and observant than me when angered, she ripped the token lady a new one and forced her to give out the remaining ten tokens.
YES, I did get to attend sternum blocking class! My chest is still a little tender, and my ass too. Thanks Brudda. I learned a great deal on how to refine my sternum blocks and to really put power in those bad boys. I also learn how to take one like a woman. You get hit in the tits for two hours and see how much like superwoman you feel like. We learned this hit in pace lines, and I really only got a chance to interact with one other skater.
“I am so excited! Sternum blocks are my favorite!”
“Then you shouldn’t be in this class.”
Fuck off you fucking fuck. 
The following morning I intended to get up early and go to an aqua aerobics class called Splash & Burn. I woke up at 9:30. Vomiting. Dehydrated, and tired. So I rallied around 10:45 when Dotty and I ran to get in line for a Jam Skating class at 1:30. Fun things are very popular at Rollercon; when we got to the line up there were already 10 people. Jam Skating is like learning to do an ice skating routine. It’s hard work. I am very white and very uncoordinated. Feelya landed all the dance steps right away. I could spin and mohawk and do the “groove” stuff really well.  Then we moved onto floor work. We started in a V sitting position and did like these weird break dancing things. I can’t remember the name. At the end of the move you go from being on your hands and heels to a standing position. I thought my left knee cap was going to explode.
We then went to support Kruel in here Hawaiian team bout. Kruel = Amazing blocker. By the by, our team will always be the loudest motherfuckers in the joint, cowbell or not.
We then attended an amazing dinner at Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion restaurant.  It was amazing, really enjoyable dinner with everyone, even if we don’t know who’s fork is who’s. Kruel told them we were celebrating our anniversary and they put little Congrats flyers in the menus and took a photo for us. Brought me to tears. It was precious.

Overall I am still having mixed feelings about this trip, but I am enjoying all the time I am spending with my teammates that are here, and missing the ones that aren’t.

Because really guys, it is just us that acts this way, love you batches.
outside the hotel lobby this happened:
“OOOOOOOOOHHHH, YEEEEAAAAHHH!!!”
Star City Rollergirls skater, “Oh gawd, it’s CVRG!”

Dangerous Secrets: Teamwork.

I am about to give a good deal away, for free. Free information.
What is normally the number one question a team has when in the presence of a derby idol? What do you suggest for teamwork?
In a moment I will tell you exactly how to build a cohesive team on and off the track.
First let me regale you will a story of a road trip to VA. We all decided to go to the after party before starting our long drive home post bout, just for dinner and a drink with our host team. We all meet up in the parking lot and walk in the bar and start assembling tables for dinner. At the adjacent table sat the opposing team’s bench coach two teammates and two family type folk. Their bench coach turned and said, “You guys all eat together?”
Most of us didn’t know how to respond, being the jackass I am I just said, “Well yeah.”

Building your own team:
5. Spend time together – – Even at practice, most of us have our close teammates that we talk to daily and have inside jokes and all that other nonsense, but when you’re at practice the whole team is there. Talk to someone, especially if their personality doesn’t jive with yours, they might say something that makes you understand their perspective a smidgen more. Ask them how their derby project is doing if you can’t think of anything nice to say.  Skate with girls you don’t normally work with, help them build skills and trust for you on the track. Eventually you’ll be doing something on the track and hear this voice in your ear “I am here! I am with you!” You won’t even have to turn to know who it is or what they are doing. Or you’ll see a look you’ve seen time and time again at practice and immediately know that you need to help get a goat, or elevator doors, or hammer and nail a Jammer.

4. Don’t allow for arguments. – – There are going to be arguments. I know I’ve been in them, but one person is going to have to concede, wrong or right. I have had to concede before, and swallow that bitter lump.  If you’re right the opinion will change in due course, if you’re not right  then: Lesson Learned.  If you see an argument blooming between two people, assess the situation and help the parties build a compromise, they are your teammates so act like you care about both of them.

3. Actually Listen. – – I can’t believe I have to list this so close to numero uno, but no one listens anymore.  Don’t anticipate and build an rebuttal before the sentence is completed. Actually think about what you are hearing. For example, I get asked a good deal of situation questions. “If these people are in these positions on the track and X is happening what do I and what should  we do?” Almost always the first time I hear it, I have heard wrong. I always ask a follow up, or just ask them to repeat slowly so I can focus. If you have a teammate who makes a good deal of excuses, listen to everything but the excuse.  If you have a teammate who repeats the same info/opinion/idea over and over again, point it out that they are saying the same thing, maybe they are just used to not being heard.

2. Maintain your attitude – – No one can drag a team down faster than a negative nancy, or set a team up for failure like spaz, or build a bad reputation like yelling and emotional explosions. My problem is my temper, it’s one of the main reasons I am in roller derby. If your emotional state is all over the place it’s not a good idea to hide it from the team and then explode on them when your fuse is gone. That goes for tempers, hurt feelings, bruised egos, all emotions. Don’t keep that shit to yourself, use your derby wife/bestest teammate to keep you even keeled.  If you get to your emotional capacity, just take a walk, or leisurely skate, get your head together.  I take a leisurely skate, I personally have a habit of saying or doing the things that hurt the most, and I think that is an ugly trait. I take myself away from the situation and think of a way to convey my true issues rather than allowing my mouth to vomit insults.  ANYWAY– Keep yourself even for the team, because sometime in the future someone on the team is going to need your help, and you want to be there for them.

1. Make an Effort – – Solid teams don’t just happen. It takes constant work, and constant apologies. If you can’t apologize you probably can’t be part of a team.  Every team is going to go through slumps and highs, at every point the team mindset is going need work.  Just won a game!? Great! How are going you going to bring your star players back to earth and elevate the players who hate on their skills?
Just lost an important cog in your team dynamic?  What are you going to do to fill her gap and deal with the emotional loss?
Just added new skaters to your roster? How are you going to help them over the stigma of being Fresh Meat on the track?
Teams who look like a bad ass family from the outside have an internal hierarchy that you must use step 5 to build. 1-4 are how to maintain that bond and emotional and physical trust.
Take this advice, because it’s damn good, no matter how much of a bitch you think I am.

My team is my family, and I love those bitches so much sometimes it hurts.
CVRG I would FUCK YOUR COUCH all night long!

Post Tax Smacks, CVRG vs Blackwater Rollers

SO, it’s taken me some time to make it back to blogging after this derby stuffed weekend. Saturday was an emotional low for our team, we weren’t really pumped as a unit to go into the game and our attitude didn’t get adjusted until the end of the game.  boo. Not to mention that the refs barely had a grasp on the rules. There was back blocking, high blocking and elbows to the face/ chest and tripping and track cutting that was never called. However, the refs do know about a rule that most respectable refs would never bother about. No cussing. Which when the rule was read to us, we were not breaking the rule at all. The rule states that there will be no foul language directed at refs, fans, or spectators. We only us profanity at our own teammates. This may seem counter productive, but we are all redneck women, and that’s how we get shit done.  So after a devastating loss 131-52, we went to Club Friday’s (TGI Fridays, where they triple ID)  to party in Roanoke to prepare for Post Tax Smacks, an event we have participated in since I joined at least.

I only played four jams, normally I go in for consecutive jams, but I was saving myself for Sunday, I didn’t wanna be hurt, an unable to play on Sunday. Well, the last jam I skated I lost my temper, like really lost my temper. I was sick of bad calls, and no calls, and points being awarded to the other team (because the score keepers were new, and didn’t understand, so said Frodown, the head ref).  I saw the jammer heading up the outside.  Oh NO I SAID, I KILL YOU, I said. I FUCK YOU  UP, I said. So I chased her up the inside, stalking and setting up my hit, but I got caught by her blocker. I noticed just as she was setting up to hit me. OH FUCK NO, NOW I FUCK YOU UP.  So I got a running start, crouched down and blasted that bitch off the track. My good knee twisted and my knee cap slid to the outside. My good knee. Not my good knee, please. I skateboard pushed myself til the end of the jam, hit the bench and tried so hard to fight back tears of sadness, in an instant my derby career had ended.  Temporary, I am a fighter and YOLO.
At the end of the game the Blackwater team took their victory lap and didn’t high five us. They didn’t high five us, that’s an awesome display of sports-womanship.

Post Tax Smacks!!!!
The next day! We show up full force with vets, only two or three freshies could go. We rocked that place so hard. We were separated into four teams and played a tourney style match up. Including co-ed bouts. I reported to Frodown, again head ref, to say I wouldn’t be skating because of my injury, and he asked me if I had bench coached before (  I hadn’t) and I said yes, how hard could it be? Turns out, only a smidgen harder than I thought. Good thing I am loud as shit. By this I mean, my teammates thought I was a howler monkey.  I am pretty sure I could be heard outside the building. I bench coached for the Green Teams, girls and co-ed. I had a great time, we didn’t win, but I’m not upset. They all played hard and did the best possible. I knew it was a little much for a few skaters, the first all girls game I had 14 skaters on my roster, by the last game we played I only had 11. There were two faces I know I was missing for sure. Pizazz, and a Fresh-meat I didn’t get her name, she only had a number, but she had the prettiest blue mo-hawk. Pizazz had played with the Blackwater girls the night before, I wish I knew the reason why she never came to play for my team again. The Beckley Derby Dames also represented and I am sure they learned a lot about the pace of game-play that day.

Our team received awesome feedback from Post Tax, everyone said we were positive and exemplified sports-womanship. I am so proud of our team and the massive amount of derby that was accomplished this past weekend. After all the stress I have experienced with the team in the last few months was suddenly negated by the pride, honor, and love I have for my team right now.

I love my team. Great Job CVRG!

Post bout!

Alright so yet again I delt with EMTS that are only good for handing me stuff. My knee had a subluxation on Saturday and of course I go down screaming. Having my knee cap peace out in the middle of taking a hard hit is the most painful experience. Having the EMT turn my ankle when removing my boot was the cherry on top. Any way we were up on points until the last 3 minutes of the game and we never managed more than a 10 point spread. Our new girls did really well and ended up shocking our vets, including me. They all stepped up and shook off the gitters and beat the fuck out of some bitches.
It was definitely the scariest floor I have ever put wheels to. Gah! Slick City!

My chocolate chocolate cupcakes were the most delicious cakes ever ! I wish the cake had a little more chocolate flavor to it but that is definitely fixable. They are super cute too!